Well, I just saw the biggest blast from the past. What could it be? A youtube video on how to beat ET!!!

Yes, this got to be one of the worst videogames ever made….seriously.

So, I had a really weird dream last night that I recall in some detail and thought I might share it with you as briefly as I can.

For some reason, I was at the Disney Hollywood Studios amusement park with my father. We were hungry, so we approchaed a hot dog stand to get something to eat. Behind the counter was Uma Thurman serving hot dogs to a hungry crowd. Everyone was star struck by Uma, who was apparently taking a break from shooting a new movie in the backlot by getting down and dirty with the little people.

My father and I got our food from Uma and went to sit down on some nearby benches. I was disappointed with my hot dog: it was wide and flat and over cook, as if someone had squished it. After I finished it, Uma walked over to our table and sat down next to me to eat ice cream and take a break. We talked a little bit and she complained about how now she smelled like hot dogs and she would have to shower before returning to the movie set, but I don’t remember talking about anything else. I just recall having some fun down-to-earth talk with a famous person.

Well, that’s really all I remember about the dream. I think I was dreaming about that stuff for the following reasons: 1) Yesterday, I was reading an article about a new ride at the Disney Hollywood Studios called “Toy Story Midway Mania;” 2) I was telling a friend about how I saw Uma Thurman filming a movie in Manhattan recently and how I thought she looked a little awkward and was too tall for my personal taste. (No offense to Uma Thurman if she ever reads this blog post. I’ll still watch your movies because I think you are a talented actress - you just have no shot at ever dating me.); 3) Over the weekend, I was hanging out with some buddies of mine and we were eating hot dogs - but not in a gay-way, because there were hamburgers there, too. One of my friends was eating two hotdogs in a sandwich bun, which made it look like one wide hot dog. Also, we stopped off at Stewarts during the day and I got ice cream.

I don’t know why my father was there. I don’t recall him being particularly impressed with Uma Thurman, though I can’t say I blame him. She has weird eyes.

This is a walkthrough for the Generic Quiz.  Here are the answers to every question.  Seriously, you need this?  If you get them wrong you can just try again until you get it right.  So here are the answers.

http://hallpass.com/media/agenericquiz.html

1. Bagels

2. Ice Cold

3. A Direction

4. Wait what?

5. (click on the blue image)

6. Me too

7. I love Carpet

8. Who, Who, Who, Who

9. Aardvark

10. Red

11. Sounds Like Fun.

12. A Work of Art

13. You Bet!

14. Neither

15. 3

16. Wee!

17. NO!

18. Soccer

19. A word

20. Kids?!!?

21. Food is good

22. Who Knows

23. Vrrrooom!

24. Elephant

25. This One. (lower left)

26. um…hi?

27. >:(

28. Maybe?

29. fadsafda

30. This Game

31. Little

32. Star

33. How I Wonder

34. What You Are

35. LSD

36. Ryan Curtis

37. Bee!

38. Eye

39. Enn…Gee?

40. Ohhh…

41. I like riddles

42. 71591

43. Okay

44. Yeah, man

45. 5

46. 91

47. 71591

48. When I Say So

49. O Rly?

50. Coconuts!

Well, you want an interesting twist to the “Hide the fart” series? Well it is right here in Hide the Farta in Sparta!

With that said, lets get down to the quiz part!

How did the Athenians break the siege of troy?

Wooden horse

Which of these items was not part of hoplite equipment

glitter

How did Artemis and Apollo know each other?

brother and sister

And now to the fart part of the game. You need to do a loud fart only when noisy things happen. During quiet parts, do the quiet farts. Watch the quiet fart meter as you will only have so much quiet farts to go around. The longer you last, the more points you get!

Good luck and happy farting!!!

In the words of the old Firefly saying, “This Food is Problematic.”  Who said this?

Well, the actual quote is “My food is problematic.”  It was said by River on the Firefly series, and Jayne Cobb replied “Girl’s a mind-readin’ genius, can’t even figure out how to eat an ice-planet.”

It still doesn’t make sense.  Maybe I should go watch Firefly.

By the way, if any of you enjoy baseball, webgames, or simulators, you should try out SimYard.com, a baseball simulation webgame where you are the owner and manager.  It was written by an xkcd fan, after all.

As I read my emails this morning, I noticed something completely off the wall. I figured there was no way that this said what I thought it said. In the subject line for Buy.com Deals, it reads as follows:

2-Pk Hi-Fi Earphones = $10, Trojans = $10, Intel Dual-Core Notebook = $399.99,..

I was like, hmmm Trojans? That must be some kind of computer term or something…so I open up the email and read the following…

Logitech Cordless Desktop S510 - Wireless Keyboard & Optical Mouse -
Factory Refurbished
SAVE 71%
FREE BUDGET SHIPPING
Buy.com price: $19.99
List price: $69.99

Trojan Elexa Ultra Sensitive Lubricated Latex Condoms - 24 Pack
FREE BUDGET SHIPPING
Buy.com price: $10.00

HP Pavilion m8000n Media Center TV Desktop - AMD Athlon 64X2 5200+
2.6GHz - 2GB, 500GB, DVD-Writer (DVD-RAM/R/RW), Fast Ethernet,
Windows Vista Home Premium (Factory Refurbished)
FREE BUDGET SHIPPING
Buy.com price: $449.99

It appears that they are truly condoms. What is the world coming to when my computer and electronics websites starts to try to solicit condoms onto me? Where were these great condom deals back in January when my wife got pregnant?!?!!

(NOTE: my wife and I planned this pregnancy…)

Over the past week, I have had an unbelievable number of friends tell me that I should read Penny Arcade.  I don’t know where this is coming from.  Are they having a readership drive over there?

It’s not that I’ve never heard of Penny Arcade.  I am well aware that it’s been a popular webcomic since pretty much the beginning of webcomics.  I have read it on multiple occasions, trying to understand the humor, trying to laugh.  It hasn’t worked.  In fact, it’s had the exact opposite impression.  I’m pretty much getting tired of hearing about it.

This last trip, I’ve found out that you don’t even get the comic on the homepage anymore when you visit the site.  Now you get their BLOG, and you can click to the comic at the top.  Maybe the blog is more interesting.  Maybe more people laugh at it.  I don’t know, because I am none of those people.

Yes, I did rent Boom Blox because of Penny Arcade, and yes, it was fun.  But the comic itself is not.  Even when I feel I should get the humor, I don’t.  On the occasion that I at least understand why it was funny, I still don’t laugh, or just feel that the delivery is horrible, or some such thing that wretches my stomach.

So please stop recommending this atrocity to me.  I’m not sure at all how it’s lasted this long.  I don’t find it funny at all.

What does this mean?  I don’t know.  Apparently, the last word was formed while mashing keys trying to type some naughty word really fast.  Koopa said it, not me, so you should ask him.

What exactly is a Bitazh?  I don’t know, but from now on whenever this term is googled, they’ll be seeing this page.  So I should do my best to explain.

Oh wait, I think I already have.

Hello to all of you three googlers.

Here is the walkthrough for Naughty Park, a game in a park where you point and click your way to more naughty mischief. Here are instructions to soak the girl in the park’s pond. You can play it here:

http://www.games2win.com/en/miscellaneous/miscellaneous_naughty_park.asp

1. Wait until the girl and her dog are about halfway across the park going right to left (the two dogs should line up), and click on the other dog. You will throw a ball and both dogs will chase it.

2. Click on the worms so the fisherman can catch a fish.

3. Click on the sitting boy’s left hand to throw marbles down for the girl to trip on.

4. Click on the worms again so the fisherman can catch a fish and leave.

5. Click on the trash can so that the boy on the swings throws a banana peel on the slide. The little girl gets hurt and cries, attracting the older girl’s attention.

6. Click on the apple to make it fall from the tree. The girl will stop to pick it up, and the man will smack her ass.

7. Click on the trash can again and the boy on the swings throws a banana peel on the path. The girl will come running by as the skateboard kid slips on the peel and spills all over her blouse. Click the beehive and the bees will attack the girl. She will take off her blouse and run away.

8. A bird will appear in the tree, click on it, and it will start to fly away. It will wait there until the girl comes by, and then poop on her. She will take off her other top.

9. When the girl starts running down the path again, and turns to come down in front of the couple on the bench, click on the bush behind the couple. The boy on the right will throw a flower on the woman’s knee. She will grab the man and kiss him. He will kick her into the water.

This is a walkthrough for the game Naughty Babysitter.  Follow these instructions to get the babysitter to take off all her clothes and kiss you.

http://www.addictinggames.com/naughtybabysitter.html

1. Click on Fridge to get Ice Cubes.

2. Click on TV remove to hide it.

3. Click on Baby to make it cry.

4. Click on the thing the guy drops.

5. Click on the TV.

6. Click on the Glue.

7. Click on the Toy Truck.

8. Click on the Glue puddle.

9. Click on the iPod.

10. Click on the Grease.

11. Click on the Bone.